Diary of a Mad Soccer Mom:)

   Tonight,  my four year old had his first soccer game.  We have had a few practices but this was the first real game and everyone was really excited!  Maddie had been great at all the practices; he listened and followed directions and seemed to be great at it.  We called all our family to come see him play and we just knew he would do perfect! Boy! Oh Boy! God must be laughing at me right now.  One of those times when you think you have it all figured out and well you don't!  During the soccer game a little boy pushed him (not in a mean way it's a soccer game and they all want the ball:)). After,  Maddox got upset and "refused to play that team again!"  I was frustrated,  mad and a little sad! I wanted him to play. I wanted him to just be a little boy and have fun!  Our family had took time to come see him and he literally refused to play. We left the game early because our little girl Hadley who is 10 months was super sleepy. When I got home I felt bad for being upset with him. I knew I had only made things worse. Then Jesus spoke to me... why was I so upset with him!?!? Maddie could be mean,  selfish, unruly, hateful, a bully and all the things a mom wouldn't want their little boy to be and he is NONE of those!!! He has a kind heart and he is shy... And he loves his mama a little too much!! So what am I upset for!?!?!?! He has so many years to be a rough tough little soccer player or whatever little player he wants to be! I need to enjoy him being him:) :) This is who he is and this is how God made him.  He is perfect! Amazing how God can make my no good afternoon into a great night! I sure do love  God!!!

15 Days

15 days.... Doesn't sound very long does it?!?! For me today, emotionally it feels like years. 15 days since I have talked to God, 15 days since I have picked up my bible, 15 days since I have done a bible study, 15 days that I have been so caught up in this world that I have drowned out the voice of God!!! This world makes it so easy to fill our lives with distractions and the devil is around everywhere we turn. As I sit back and reflect on the past 15 days it's mind blowing to realize all of the different ways the devil has entered my life. I've pushed God far far into the background of my life the past 15days. Yes, I've gone to Church but you know that saying, "Just because you go to church doesn't make you a Christian." Well, I was in Church but as soon as I walked out those doors its was, "My way, my life.'' What amazes me is that even though I pushed God away, God is still there as everything else passes. He is still waiting on me! It makes me smile writing that!! Nothing can satisfy our inner longing for God, except communion and fellowship with him. This morning as I was drinking my coffee like I do every morning I felt anxiety. I was tired I wanted to just crawl back in bed and sleep the day away. Having 3 kids calling out "Mama" every 5 minutes and one crying to be held was not helping the way I was feeling. I jumped into the shower to just get a moment alone to myself, a moment to breath to think clearly to make a plan on how I was gonna make it through this horrible no good day. Guess who was waiting on me..God! He was speaking to me! I ran all the hot water out I had one long conversation with him. Then I got out, picked up my bible and studied! You know when you have one of those moments in church when the preacher is preaching directly to you and you know he is clearly speaking directly to you eye contact and all? Well my bible study was that for me! He knew what I needed at that moment and there they were. Those four words: Let God Lead You!! I was leading my life. I was doing everything I wanted to do making my own decisions letting all the distractions of life overcome me. I was breaking down, ''I needed God!!'' I needed to slow down. I needed to self discipline and stop procrastinating. I needed to eliminate key distractions in my life and set some guidelines. I needed to  set a time where I am "off limits" to give myself a break. And mostly I needed to pray and listen. I needed to let God lead me!!!!!!! As I am writing this I feel like a new person like someone has lifted a rock off my chest.  I am amazed at how God is working in my life!! Day 16 is a new day and I am thankful for new days, for God's forgiveness, and for Him always waiting on me!! Hurrying is the flesh trying to do more than the Holy Spirit is leading us to do. Take a look back at your last 15days. Who is leading your life?